I’m wondering if I should turn this blog into a “things I love/enjoy” sort of blog. Mainly. I’m sure there’d still be rantings, but I realize that I post a lot of music on facebook and the truth is that I love music. Who doesn’t? I’d love to talk about songs/albums/artist that I’m enjoying. I just wonder if that would hold enough weight for enough regular topics on this blog. I’ll give it a try …
"When you believe yourself to be ugly or worthless, it’s hard to project anything beyond that. Often you don’t even want to – after all, why attract attention to yourself when you’ve got so little to offer?"
"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days…Lightly, lightly—it’s the best advice ever given me. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling."
Albums that rocked me in 2012. (In no particular order)
Enhanced Miami Trance 2012: I was totally blindsided by this one. Randomly found on iTunes for sale, bought and LOVE! I’ll be honest, I only listen to 3/4 of the album (I’m a creature of habit), but I LOVE what I listen to. It’s the first *enhanced* trance album that I’ve ever bought. Most long songs feel like filler to me, but these are excellent!
Morgan Page - In The Air: Can I get an HALLELUJAH! for “Carry Me”? That song is still my jam. This album is beyond words. It’s a lot of fun dance pop music about love. It’s surprisingly not superficial given it’s context, but it’s also not too weighty. It’s just right.
Kaskade - Dance.Love: My first Kaskade album EVER. This year was my first official introduction to Kaskade and it resulted in me driving three hours to see him live. This album was my first full length introduction to house / dance music, and I have not looked back. Don’t stop dancing, girl.
Hands down (or up in the air) 2012 was a great year for me musically. I’ve started listening to a lot of great dance music, including expanding my love for dubstep. Right now I’m listening to more trance!!! (I just bought Miami Trance 2011 (Enchanced) for $6.99 and so far, so good). I’m excited for what 2013 has to offer.
I want to be the hero of my life.
The truth is that I don’t believe in anything, and that is both scary and liberating.
1. Wallamelon + Lemon.
2. Cheezy raw kale.
3. Super ripe honey dew.
4. Mangosteen. Impulse buy.
My last entry was in September, and it’s almost November so I’d like to post a brief update on the state of things in my life. Things are good and bad at the same time. Good meaning that I’m incredibly fortunate to have the life and opportunities that I do, and bad because I’m squandering … my life. Or so it feels.
I’m having a bad day today. This too shall pass.
What do I truly want?
So often I get stuck on the needs and shoulds. I need to do this. I should be doing that. And often when I think about what I want it’s something “sinful” or “bad.” But when I scratch the surface and think about what I really want … it’s all good. No matter what, my body wants to thrive. It wants to be clean and pure. It wants healthy food. It wants movement/exercise. My mind wants peace and clarity. It wants to be happy, healthy, joyous, in right relationship with self + nature + the world.
This is important to me because I have an internal rebel that sticks a middle finger to duty. She hates doing what she “has” to do. What she “must” do. She hates feeling controlled by others. But what I’m realizing is that a lot of the things that I “should” be doing are actually also things that I want to do. And suddenly my goals are more fun. They are MY goals. My wants. And that makes all the difference.
But there is also the part of me that says, “I WANT to stay up all night. I WANT to eat junk food all day. I WANT to stay in bed all day.” In response I ask myself, “What do I truly want?” I’m not trying to be patronizing. I’m just delving deeper in order to find out if said wants are genuine or do they betray a deeper truth? Are they only scratching the surface?
The truth is that I only want things that are good to me. I don’t want something that’s going to give me a little bit of pleasure and a lot of pain. I don’t want something that’s going to set me back. I’m almost 26 and I’m at the point where I WANT more out of life. I WANT to be healthy. I WANT healthy, delicious food. I WANT a strong body. I WANT to get a good night’s sleep. Every night. I WANT to take better care of myself - inside and outside. I WANT peace.
I believe that if I focus on the fact that these are things I truly WANT then I’ll naturally move toward those things. I know it’s not that simple. But it’s a start. I also think it’s important to think about what my body wants. My body wants what makes it healthiest. That’s a fact.